4 Effective Responses to Intimidation Tactics

4 Effective Responses to Intimidation Tactics

Notes on Negotiation Written by Marty Latz, Latz Negotiation Institute

He swore at me in front of my client. I was really surprised. I was a young lawyer at the time, and he was the opposing counsel and managing partner of a prominent law firm. I had requested documents that his associate had promised, and that my client had flown in to review (and to which we were legally entitled). It prompted this unprofessional outburst and a refusal to provide the material. He thought he could intimidate and embarrass me.

But it backfired. After he left the room, I huddled with my client, discussed how to respond, and then looked up the judge’s phone number. I intended to call the judge and force opposing counsel to give us the documents.

He later caved after I suggested we go to the judge. Unfortunately, this is not a unique negotiation occurrence.

So, how should you address intimidation-related tactics like swearing, screaming, personally demeaning insults, belittling comments, and the list goes on?

Initially, differentiate between these and gamesmanship tactics involving strategic elements like threats (which is a leverage-related promise to make your Plan B/alternative really bad), limited authority, take-it-or-leave-it statements, bluffing, etc.

For advice on strategies like these, see my columns Prepare Yourself to Parry Common Negotiation Ploys and Learning How to ‘DEAL’ With Threats in the Workplace.

What should you do here?

1. Don’t automatically escalate.

Responding in kind with escalatory rhetoric or behavior will exponentially increase the personal animosity involved and be counterproductive. Instead, mentally step back, possibly take a significant break, and strategically consider how to effectively respond.

But don’t just walk away, giving the offender the sense that their intimidation tactic worked.

Above all, don’t lose your temper.

2. Recognize its extremely limited strategic impact.

Intimidation tactics won’t negatively impact any strategic negotiation element unless you let them. Intimidators want you to feel and strategically act differently due to their actions. Don’t.

These tactics do not weaken your leverage by changing your Plan B. They don’t impact any “fair or reasonable” standards like market value or precedent. They don’t affect offers or counteroffers.

If anything, they might be an agenda-control effort to distract you from strategic elements that favor you, like leverage.

Recognize this and act accordingly.

3. Account for the culture.

I used to teach an annual weeklong Executive MBA negotiation course at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) in Singapore. I remember my first trip, when the professor who hired me showed me two videos that portrayed two radically different cultural approaches to the same negotiation.

One involved two Korean negotiators aggressively engaging with each other across a table. Direct conflict dominated the interaction. The other showed two Japanese negotiators respectfully discussing the same issues. Seemingly very little conflict.

You might feel that one approach was more effective. My colleague, a cultural communications expert, helped me understand the opposite. Different cultures, she emphasized, communicate in radically different ways. What some in one culture might consider highly inappropriate intimidation tactics might be considered par-for-the-course normal behavior in another.

This gave me great insight into my negotiation class, which included students from a dozen different cultures.

Bottom line: Consider the culture in evaluating your counterpart’s “intimidation” tactics.

4. Respond strongly, forcefully and negotiate how to negotiate.

You know the saying “if you give someone an inch they will take a mile.” It’s true here. Don’t be intimidated. Instead, respond strongly, forcefully, and in a measured way. Indicate their behavior won’t work with you. And if you have leverage, like a strong Plan B, perhaps share it.

Try this: pause, look them straight in the eye (getting their undivided attention), lower your voice (ensuring they understand your seriousness), and indicate that you will not demean yourself by behaving in a similar fashion.Then negotiate some professional ground rules in how to negotiate. Will this be challenging? Certainly. But it will be well worth it.

Latz’s Lesson: Some feel they can intimidate you with unprofessional behavior. Don’t let them. Instead, don’t escalate, understand its limited strategic impact, account for their culture, and respond strongly and negotiate how to negotiate.

Marty Latz is the founder of Latz Negotiation Institute, a national negotiation training and consulting company, and ExpertNegotiator, a Web-based software company that helps managers and negotiators more effectively negotiate and implement best practices based on the experts' proven research.  He is also the author of Gain the Edge! Negotiating to Get What You Want (St. Martin’s Press 2004). He can be reached at 480-951-3222 or Latz@ExpertNegotiator.com

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